So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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