He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
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I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
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We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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