I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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