just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
