Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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