scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
