Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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