I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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