Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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