so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
