YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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