I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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