just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
