remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
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Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
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