I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
