We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Couch. On fire.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
