if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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