just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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