I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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