I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
