He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
