bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
