I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
