He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
