The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
