I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
