My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
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She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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