I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
