two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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