I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
