Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
