Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
