who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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