I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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