Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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