nut hugger
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
