oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
