So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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