I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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