I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
