drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
