i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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