I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
