One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
