omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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