that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I lost the right to judge tonight
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
