i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
