You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
