I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I puked a lego.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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