You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize