Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
