apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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