$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
