I am in a vortex of obligation.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize
