Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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