so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
