she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
