We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
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Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
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He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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