Midget sex pt 2 tonight
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
