It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
