Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i wish my penis had a tongue
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
