no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I can't put those talents on a resume
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
