I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The uberlube is also flammable
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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