The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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