Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
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I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
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Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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