Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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