I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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