Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
