Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
