his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
