thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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