I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
