And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
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Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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