We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
