I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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