Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
