okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
