I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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