Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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