I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
