OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
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