Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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