Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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