I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
