11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
