she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
