Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It was confusing and full of hummus
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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