you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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