one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
