youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
