Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
