dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i believe in u and ur pee
we should paint friendship bongs
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
