I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize