I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
